Rebecca Hughes
Why Preparation Matters
Bringing a new baby home is one of the biggest transitions a child will ever navigate. For your older child, the arrival of a sibling can feel like the ground shifting beneath their feet — even when they are excited about becoming a big brother or sister. The key to smoothing that transition is not grand gestures, but steady, predictable preparation. Children cope best when they know what is coming, when they feel included, and when the routines that anchor their day stay largely intact.
Ideally, begin talking about the baby in the second trimester, once you feel ready to share. Keep the language simple and concrete, especially for toddlers. Rather than saying "you'll have a new best friend", try something like: "Mummy's tummy is growing a baby. The baby will live with us and sleep in our room at first." Concrete, honest language gives your child something real to hold onto.
Use Stories To Build Understanding
Picture books are one of the most powerful tools you have. Reading together about families welcoming a new baby lets your child rehearse the idea safely, at their own pace, and revisit it as often as they need. Choose stories that show a range of feelings — excitement, worry, frustration, love — rather than only the rosy version.
- Read the same few books repeatedly in the weeks before the birth; repetition builds familiarity and security.
- Pause to ask gentle questions: "How do you think the big sister feels here?" or "What might the baby need?"
- Include books that show the older child getting special attention too, not just helping.
- Let your child "read" to a doll or teddy, practising the gentle handling they'll use with the baby.
If your child is older, you can talk about what babies are actually like — that they cry a lot, sleep often, and cannot play at first. Managing expectations now prevents disappointment later.
Involve Your Child In The Preparations
Involvement builds ownership. Children who help prepare feel like part of the team rather than bystanders watching their world change. Look for small, genuine jobs your child can do.
- Let them choose a small gift or a soft toy for the baby and wrap it themselves.
- Ask them to help set up the cot, sort tiny clothes, or pick a picture for the nursery wall.
- Give them a role in packing your hospital bag — perhaps choosing a book for you to read together afterwards.
- If they are moving rooms or to a big bed, make that change well before the birth, never at the same time.
- Practise holding a doll, and show them where they can safely touch the baby.
Avoid making the baby the sole focus of every conversation. Keep asking about their day, their friends, their interests. Your child needs to know they are still interesting, still important, still yours.
Keep Routines Predictable
Routine is the scaffolding of a young child's security. During pregnancy and the early postnatal weeks, protect the rhythms that matter most: mealtimes, bath time, bedtime, and the rituals around them. Even if the baby's needs interrupt things, aim to return to the routine as soon as you can.
- Keep bedtime stories and goodnight rituals with your older child, even if the baby is feeding — have a partner, grandparent or friend take over if needed.
- Where possible, let your child stay in their own room and bed rather than reshuffling sleeping arrangements.
- Maintain nursery, childminder or school attendance so their social world stays steady.
- Warn them about changes in advance — who will look after them when you go into labour, and what will happen.
It helps to write a simple "birth plan" for your older child too, covering who will be with them, where they will sleep, and how they will meet the baby. Predictability shrinks fear.
Prepare For The First Meeting
How your child meets the baby can set the tone for weeks to come. If possible, have the baby in a cot or basket rather than in your arms when your older child arrives, so your hands and lap are free for them first. Greet your older child before you greet the baby. Let them come to the baby rather than passing the baby straight over.
Expect mixed feelings, and normalise them. Say out loud: "It's alright to feel cross sometimes. You can love the baby and still miss our time together." Acknowledging difficult emotions reduces shame and opens the door to connection. Avoid punishing regression — if your child suddenly wants a bottle or to be carried, offer extra cuddles rather than correction. It usually passes.
Finally, be patient with yourself. You cannot prevent every wobble, and you do not need to. Consistency, warmth, and a few well-chosen words will do more than any perfect preparation. Siblingship is a relationship that grows over years — this is simply its first, tender chapter.
